Color Me Crazy
by UchihaRonnie
Summary: Adventures of Uchiha Sasuke looking for cushion covers in the right shade exactly. Based on an article I read.


What is this thing women have with colors and why do men have to be dispatched on these hazardous missions to find the favorite nail polish or curtains to go with the decor when they go on business trips? Men are not equipped to handle these expeditions. Speak of misplaced confidence.

Men know of red, yellow, black, white, blue, green..or maybe VIBGYOR. But, wives have it all so complicated.

Like, my wife, Sakura, once says," But I asked you for Coral Pink Lipstick. This isn't Coral Pink. This is dawn radiance," her long purple manicured nails held the cylindrical object as if it were an insect. _What did you want me to do, my love, jump off a reef and check out the color of the coral? _

"Hn." I said and walked away.

Another time, she called me up, in the Land of the Mist and said," I need Hot Magenta colored cushion covers..and they should have an Electric Lime outline."

Here I am on this secret ANBU mission and now I am on this multi-hue hunt. Swallowing the Uchiha pride, I enter a shop which is over-stuffed with cushions, pillows, toys and all other annoying civilian stuff. Tch.

So, the shopkeeper says," Sorry, no Hot Magenta."

And I say,"What about cold?"

He says," There is no such thing as Cold Magenta." I sigh.

"What about Lukewarm?" It only seemed logical. He gives me a frosty look and I realize that he is not on my side, in this color battle.

He says," We do have Caribbean Blue..though, frankly, I prefer Deep Pacific."

I look blank. Here I am, the heir of the Uchiha Clan,a prodigy and an ANBU Captain clueless about what the civilian is talking about. He looks at me as if I was something sickly and downmarket and says," If sir doesn't know his colors..maybe it would be better if Madame came and made the selection."

To which, I reply,"Or sir could go down to West Indies and return via The Pacific, to see which colors would match." But he doesn't laugh. No sense of humor..these guys.

At this point, I call my mother on the phone and she says," The color you might want to try could be Blushing Teal."

"That is a duck," I say,"Teal is a duck. How can it be a color? And..why would a duck blush?"

So, mom says,"Look, you want help with your shopping list, Sasu-cakes, don't give me attitude."

My mom is like that. She has been like that for 60 years-kind, helpful and sweet.

And I say,"Ok. Blushing Teal it is then."

The Shopkeeper gives me an apologetic look and says," We have run out of Teal."

I activate my Sharingan, with all thoughts of torture running through my brain.

"But..we do have Fuschia," the guy blurts out.

"Who?" I ask confused, relaxing my eyes.

"Fuschia...", he says," It is a gentle color. Very endearing."

Irritated, I run my hand through my hair. Getting back on the phone, I say," They have Foo-something-seeya."

Mom says," No..Fuschia won't do. It won't go with the decor. Your sofas are Midnight Blue aren't they..?"

"Are they?," I ask," I thought they were Blackish-Greyish.."

"If you haven't changed them since the last time I was there, then they are Midnight Blue," mom says and pauses,"So..you could try cushion covers in..Burnt Sienna."

"If it is burnt," I ask confused,"why would I want it? Isn't the stuff already ruined?"

"It is a color, Sasu-chan, it is called Burnt Sienna." My mother giggles.

Disconnecting the call, I sigh. Complicated women. My phone rings again and this time it is Tsunade. Probably asking about the mission.

I say," Hello, Hokage, I am looking for Sakura's cushion covers, do you prefer Burnt Sienna or Foo-something-seeya?"

"What color is the sofa?", she asks. All traces of Hokage-ness vanished from her voice.

I, now, speak with authority," Midnight Blue." I am a swift learner.

She says,"Hmm..Check if they have Royal Passion Purple.."

The Shopkeeper says,"No." _Then what the heck do you have in this frigging shop? _

I jest again, having never been able to learn a lesson. "Do you have the common man on the street variety?"

He sneers. Tsunade speaks," Frankly, if you can't find Royal Passion..look for Baby Blue."

"Whats wrong with the baby?" I ask. "Why is it blue? Is it being chocked?"

The Hokage's voice sounds irritated,"You are so ignorant, Uchiha. How does Sakura ever sends you shopping?" The line goes dead.

It is a question worth asking. But, seriously, I mean, guys why would anyone have a color called "Baby Blue." When did you last see a baby go blue..and everyone said,"What a gorgeous color?"

Right, so the cushions are still cover-less, but I am a goner for Carnation Pink.


End file.
